Hi! Robert here!
Let It Die, a new free-to-play game from Grasshopper Manufacture, is available now on PS4. I want to explain exactly why your kids should not play this game.
- It is incredibly violent. Yes, the combat in this game is not for the faint-hearted. You bludgeon baddies with hammers, pick-axes and the like, and are awarded bonuses for gory finishing moves. Keep your kids away.
- It is scary. The game takes place inside a giant tower, a post-apocalyptic nightmare-house that rises into a toxic sky like a 1960s Glasgow high-rise. When you’re exploring its dark corners while playing alone at night, the sense of danger makes your skin crawl. Keep your kids away.
- Mushrooms. Everybody in this game eats mushrooms, and they’re not from Tesco either. These mushies are ones found growing in damp corners, and are eaten for the effects they produce within the human body. This is, of course, irresponsible and reprehensible. Keep your kids away.
- The game encourages bad behaviour. Did you know that Let It Die allows you to attack other players’ bases to steal their cash and even kidnap hard-earned characters? Yes, you can actually steal characters from other players and hold them to ransom. It’s not the kind of stuff you want school-age kids to incorporate into their day. Keep your kids away.
- Swearies. The game has plenty of swearies, and don’t worry – I won’t be repeating them here. The characters, such as the weirdo woman in her undies who cooks up the mushies, or Death himself, who cuts about on a skateboard, are all capable of swearing up a storm. Keep your kids away.
- The game has a general air of naughtiness. Let It Die is like some VHS you found at an old market, something so weird and vile you’re ashamed to tell anybody you own it. It feels like that time you went to that nightclub in Berlin with that lassie from art school and woke up three days later in a coffin buried in a field outside Kirkcaldy. Kids can’t relate to any of this, and will be unsettled by the tone of the whole enterprise, so keep them away.
- And finally, the main reason why kids shouldn’t play Let It Die is that it’ll mean they’re on the PS4 playing Let It Die when you want to be on the PS4 playing Let It Die. I want to be on the PS4 playing Let It Die right now. Kids, can you keep away, please? It’s my go! Ugh!
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